Hello all my chickens and bunnies. It's been such a long time!

Harried Mum has no excuses.  I am a lazy cow at heart.  I am reminded of this every time Fun Daddy goes out for the evening.  Tonight I put the kids to bed, and then I ate a stale bagel and canned soup for dinner.  There was a perfectly nice meal I could have cooked for myself, but I have realized over the years that if  lived alone, I would be doing things like eating cereal with wine.  I'm just that slothful.  It lives just beneath the surface and manifests itself in things like my indifferent housekeeping and woeful track record on birthday cards, thank you cards and RSVPs.

What else has been happening?  Well.  Lots of things!  Exciting things!  Harried Mum went back to work!  (Ages ago now).  I am working for a Japanese company.  It is all very interesting, and one wonders where all the women are.  The patriarchy lives.  I'm oppressed I tell you.  Oppressed.  Seriously, it's a bit weird and the Japanese culture and language barrier throws me for a loop sometimes.  I feel as if I am a decent communicator.  I am doing my utmost to explain complex issues in simple language.  I will send an email or speak in a meeting.  And I will feel good about all the nodding and agreeing happening.  Then, a week later, someone will say something, and I will think, "Oh f*ckety, f*ck, you did not understand me AT ALL.  You were just PRETENDING".  And then I will have to explain it all over again.  Now, I speak no Japanese, and so I'm certainly not pointing fingers.  I would not want to do business in a second language, but man, it is hard.

Lunatic Child has just gone back to his second year of nursery school.  In a repeat of last year's performance, on the first day, while we were waiting for the school doors to open, Lunatic Child:

1.  ran around the side of the building and started banging on the windows of his classroom demanding to be let in

2.  climbed to the top of the stairs and started panting at everyone (he's REALLY into pretending that he's a puppy)

3.  stuffed leaves in the school's mailbox.

Meanwhile, ALL the other children, without fail, were standing nicely holding their parents' hands. 

When the doors opened, Lunatic Child flung himself down the stairs, pushing all the other Nice Children out of the way, blew by the teachers without saying hello and waded into the toys.  I foresee some interesting years ahead.

Psycho Cat, who is currently stalking and occasionally attacking my elbow and generally annoying the snot out of me, is under house arrest this week.  She got into a fight of some kind, and I've had to take her to have 2 abcesses on her face drained.  She's on antibiotics and pain meds.  She's clearly feeling better and is obviously bored as crap in the house, but the vet was very strict on the no outdoors thing, so we're going to try and tough it out.  I've also had to ban her from the bathroom this evening, as she pries open the medicine cabinet and starts knocking all the stuff off the shelves into the sink.

Trouble, my sweet Trouble, is turning into a proper little toddler.  If he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor in a puddle of despair and wails until he's beet red.  He's earnestly trying to walk, and is proudly marching around pushing his walker.  He still hasn't really figured out that you have to bend your knees, so it's all a bit awkward, but I think he will join the ranks of the bipedal sooner rather than later.  He's currently satisfied to communicate through wailing and pointing, although in my Completely Unbiased view he said 'kitty' tonight and 'doggy' whilst we were visiting Fun Daddy's parents.  We haven't been able to replicate the results in a lab, but I'm still going to give him the win on first spoken words.  Also, he is SO into Fun Daddy.  If Fun Daddy leaves the room, he is DESPONDENT.  He could give a rat's arse about Harried Mum.  Poor Harried Mum.

Speaking of Fun Daddy.  He went out with his mates in London recently, trying to re-live the glory days, and almost got himself arrested.  Harried Mum was not amused.  He's also perfecting his Embarrassing Dad Dancing and Slightly Age Inappropriate Dressing.  We just need the kids to be old enough to be humiliated by it all. 

Anyway, we miss all our far flung friends and family.  Hope you're all well.

Oodles of love to you all.

Harried Mum, Fun Daddy, Lunatic Child, Trouble and Psycho Cat.

Little Boys

Trouble, like all little boys in the history of the world, has discovered his dinkle.  It's so interesting.  He wants to touch it.  Always.  Every time his diaper comes off, that little hand is in there having a squeeze.  It kills me.  Sorry, Trouble, that I have shared. You can work it out in therapy.

Lunatic Child, of course, has moved on to dinkle tricks.   "Look mommy, it's big!!"  (Again, therapy, I know).  But it is so funny.  Little boys.   They are all the same.

In other dinkle related news, Lunatic Child appears to be potty trained, although he has been struggling a bit with the new nanny this week.  I am confident (ie, hopeful) that this will resolve itself shortly.  He had gone a couple weeks without an accident.  We are so close.  Although, to be honest, it's not as great as I had hoped.  I am still chasing him around the house to try and get him to wipe his *rse after a poo, and there's a lot of faffle involved with getting the pants down and up.  And his aim is fairly appalling,  Baby steps I guess.

Not too much else is news.  I start my new job on Monday.  I am looking forward to being back at work.  I have spent an extremely enjoyable week spending money willy nilly to replenish my work wardrobe.  It's been so fun!!!  Probably a lot more fun than the actual job will be, although I do think it's important for what remains of my sanity to go back to work.  My brain.  It's melting.

Fun Daddy is keeping on.  He has been traveling to London a bit for some new work responsibilities, which I resent.  He gets to see lots of our friends and stay in a nice, child free hotel room.  No fair.  I can't wait til I go on my first work trip.  Turn about is fair play!!!

Anyway, that's all she wrote.  Toodles, noodles.

A low point

So this happened.

Babysitter left at 2pm today. At 2:05 Trouble needed changing. We march upstairs. From downstairs Lunatic Child starts yelling "Mommy" every few seconds, and then informs me that he has puked. I whisk Trouble into a diaper and go downstairs. Lunatic Child has, in fact, puked on himself. I am pulling off Lunatic Child's trousers to change him when he puts his new battery operated car on my head and turns it on. The wheels get caught in my hair, and I can't reach the off switch to turn it off so the wheels keep turning and my hair is getting more and more tangled by the second. Trouble then vomits all over himself.

Lunatic Child is in his underwear, Trouble is covered in vomit, and I have a car stuck to my head when the most recent nanny candidate calls asking for directions because she can't find the house. It is at this point that I realize that breathing techniques do not really cut it in the stress reduction sweepstakes.

Mind you, this is after last night where Trouble was up about 7 times. Teething? Growing pains? General cussedness? Who knows? He can't tell me. He ended up in bed with me so I could get 5 minutes of sleep.

Between that, Fun Daddy being in London for the week, and my zillionth nanny interview (this one said "Oh My God" about 10 times in the first 10 minutes of the interview. No.) I am feeling like my amazing vacation in France happened about 20 years ago. Woeisme.