Thursday, October 13, 2011

Adventures in Art Class

I signed Lunatic Child up for an art class.  I thought, why not let him get messy somewhere that is not home?  I like a nice short-cut, and this is a two-fer:  Lunatic Child is entertained, and I don't have to clean up after it.  Plus, I had grand visions of him having oodles of artistic talent, and then I could get rich selling his paintings on e-Bay.

Things did not work out as planned.  And now Lunatic Child has been evicted from his first educational experience.  We have tactfully been told that Lunatic Child may prefer one of the *other* classes on offer, which is code for "Please get your child out of here.  Now."  For one thing, he was eating all the paint. 

But I digress. 

Let me start at the beginning.

Normally, Lunatic Child goes to art class with his Nanny.  She mentioned, in passing, that sometimes Lunatic Child gets a little distracted toward the end of class.  I now know that what she meant was "He is hell on wheels after 5 minutes".  She is, apparently, a master of the understatement.  I never would have known this, except she couldn't come in last Thursday, so I took Lunatic Child to art class.

I was excited.  It would be Bonding Time.  It would be Fun.  We would Create Art.

What Lunatic Child creates is chaos. 

First activity was drawing with crayons on paper.  Every child could take 2 crayons.  Lunatic Child would take one crayon at a time, then chuck it on the floor.  Box of crayons is taken away.  Lunatic Child, sans crayons, notices some puppets on a shelf.  Wails because they are Not Available.  Refuses to be distracted from lack of puppets.  Sits in miserable huddle of thwarted toddler.  Then tries to steal crayon of Nice Little Girl next to us. 

We move on to painting.   This starts out well, but goes South after about 30 seconds when Lunatic Child announces he is "All Done" and makes a break for freedom out the door.  I chase him down and bring him back in.  He tries to eat the paint, then cries because it tastes disgusting.  I think, really?  You have not figured out after 4 classes that the taste of paint is Not Nice?  We wash the paint out of his mouth.  He then becomes obsessed with climbing the stepladder to the sink.  When he realises this is No Longer an Option, he tries to paint on the easel of Nice Little Girl next to us. 

We move back to the little table for a creative project "Making Blueberry Pies".  Lunatic Child becomes distressed when there is no yellow chair available for him to sit on.  Tries to shove Nice Little Girl off yellow chair.  Huge shambles while all chairs are rearranged so Lunatic Child has yellow chair.  He then proceeds to not sit in it.  Ever.  Nice Teacher is explaining to the children about blueberries and how we are going to paint blueberries and make a pie.  Lunatic Child, not sitting on yellow chair, makes another break for freedom out the door.  He is not interested in pie.  By the time we are done with the pie making exercise, I am covered in blue paint and glitter, none of which is on the actual pie.

This is probably why Art Class Mum gave me such a chilly reception.

So, anyway, the school has suggested he might like music class better, and by all accounts he does.  They get to sing and try out all the instruments and they do dancing games.  Much more in Lunatic Child's wheelhouse as it involves not being still for more than 30 seconds. 

I am still sad, as I now have to figure out another Get Rich Quick scheme based on Lunatic Child.

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