Saturday, May 26, 2012

I wish....

I am finding keeping up with Lunatic Child difficult at the moment. The extra 30lbs and huge baby belly are major contributing factors, of course. It puts me in a wistful mood, and I was contemplating some of the things I am wishing for at the moment.

- I wish Lunatic Child would be still for one nanosecond. Just one. He can't even sit still when you're reading him a story or he is watching TV. He twitches. He wriggles. He writhes. He prods. He climbs. It is SO EXHAUSTING.

- I wish Lunatic Child would not profess his undying love for the kitten immediately prior to trying to step on her, kick her, grab her paws, poke her with a stick, drive his dump truck into her, etc. She is remarkably undaunted by this behavior and responds in kind by attacking his head whenever it's in reach, but still, I don't think he is really understanding the concept of "gentle", and there is going to be a new baby in the house in 4 weeks.

- I wish Lunatic Child would just sit and eat a meal instead of eating 2 bites of toast and then telling me he's made me a boat and therefore can't eat his masterpiece. Or spending 5 minutes attempting to get the perfect sized bite on his fork. "This is too big"! (Food is wiped off fork and onto placemat, or floor.) "This bite is too small"! (He then proceeds to put half his plate on the fork), leading to..."This bite is too big"! Rinse and repeat until I freak out. Or telling me that the only food he desires is a banana, and then eating one bite, only to conclude that he "doesn't like it".

- I wish Lunatic Child would not grunt out a denial that he is pooping whilst red faced and straining. He then runs away and hides rather than get his bum changed. When cornered and brought to the changing table, he wails as if being stabbed with knives. Every single time. I mean, really?

- I wish Lunatic Child would not spend half his time at the park randomly sprinting into the middle distance toward traffic with me puffing after him yelling threats to his bodily integrity if he does not stop this second whilst other parents look on in alarm.

- I wish Lunatic Child would lay down in his bed and go the f*ck to sleep. Tonight, for example. I put him to bed. 20 minutes later, he is wailing. I check. Apparently, he has "bumped his head on the bed". Comfort is administered. I shut the door. I instantly hear him get out of bed and thunder to his bedroom door where he lays down. Hilarious laughter. The kitten is sticking her paws under the door and Lunatic Child finds it HYSTERICAL. I remove the kitten and tell Lunatic Child to get back in bed. I go downstairs. Kitten immediately runs back upstairs to his bedroom door. Lunatic Child immediately gets back out of bed. More hilarity. I shut the kitten in the back room for a bit. Lunatic Child eventually gets into bed and spends another 30 minutes or so talking to himself before finally falling asleep.

I suppose if I think pregnancy is hard, I will really be feeling sorry for myself in a few weeks when Trouble arrives. Sigh.

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