I know. I know. I already have the job of Mommy. But I tell you what. Harried Mum has been longing to return to the safe confines of corporate law, which is easy to do compared to negotiating with Lunatic Child over the wearing of coat, hat and gloves EVERY MORNING, or convincing Trouble that he needs to nap longer than 20 minutes at a go. I am losing what is left of my mind, people.
To that end, I suited up to go to a second interview yesterday. This was a disaster. Lunatic Child, who is no dummy, instantly knew something was up and responded by making as huge as fuss as possible over getting changed, getting dressed, wanting to have a second chance at breakfast, leaving behind his toy car when leaving for school, not taking one bite out of an apple and leaving it in the fruit bowl, etc... The babysitter, who is usually so placid, was getting a bit wild eyed.
Meanwhile, I was discovering that my suit no longer fit (who knew that eating Halloween Candy every night since October would have such negative consequences?). I couldn't find any stockings. The shirt I wanted to wear wasn't ironed. What, lack of preparedness has consequences? Unpossible.
Trouble, catching the general vibe of barely controlled panic, started to wail. Babysitter was wrestling Lunatic Child into his coat, hat and gloves, which basically involves sitting on him. I was reluctant to pick Trouble up (poor baby) as I had finally shoehorned myself into the blasted suit, and Trouble is a guaranteed vomiter whenever you lift him up from a prone position.
And I thought to myself, "I bet Kate Middleton will never have to put up with this sh*t." Which, of course, she won't, since her only jobs are to look pretty and produce heirs to the throne. Sadly, no one offered me an interview, second or otherwise, for those jobs, so off I schlepped.
After all the sturm and drang, I was not feeling my professional best, but future employer seems to be willing to overlook my slightly disheveled appearance and I am shortly going to be starting as the new General Counsel for Mitsui Precious Metals. Hooray!!!