Well. That was an effing disaster.
We are currently interviewing au pairs and had a second interview tonight with someone. 30 seconds prior to the call, my children were sitting nicely, colouring.
As soon as the call came through on the computer, however, both children morphed into the spawn of Satan. They shrieked nonstop through the first 5 minutes of the call, so the poor German teenager couldn't hear anything. I bribed them with oranges and sent them to the living room. The TV sound wasn't working for some reason. Lunatic Child became despondent, then irate.
I tried to fix the sound whilst still trying to speak to this poor child on Skype, who was becoming increasingly confused at his train wreck of an interview. I did not succeed. I left Lunatic Child frantically poking all the buttons on the remote and went back to the dining room.
30 seconds later, all hell has broken loose in the lounge because Trouble has stolen Lunatic Child's orange. Lunatic Child has whacked Trouble. Everyone is crying and screaming that life is not fair. It is complete and utter chaos. My children are out of control. Lunatic Child is writhing on the ground refusing to get up. Trouble is crying into a pillow on the sofa. I am attempting to manage the crisis in a calm fashion and failing utterly.
I have to hang up on this poor kid and proceed to lose my shit at my recalcitrant children. Lunatic Child had to go to his room. Trouble had to sit on the naughty step. No one got a damn orange.
I fixed the unspeakable TV and parked the kids in front of it. I called the poor au pair back. He had no idea what the hell was going on. I gave up and told him I'd email him tomorrow. He is currently rethinking his life choices and will probably skip the gap year and just go to university.
I then proceeded to spill a jar of spice on the floor whilst cooking dinner and my omelette was disgusting.
I ate it anyway in a giant sulk and then had a Penguin because tonight, at least, I feel bad about my life.