Excuse Harried Mum's long silence. We've been busy!
Anyway, I felt compelled to post, as a lovely friend appears to be contemplating children. Whilst she is doing that, I thought I would share some vignettes that she might find illuminating.
- Lunatic Child drew an enormous 3-eyed alien on the hall stairs. In sharpie pen. Because 'paper is boring'. Of course it is. Prior to confessing the crime, he tried to blame Trouble.
- Lunatic Child refused to practice his lines in the school Christmas play. Instead, he used only the words 'fart', 'bum' and 'poop'. As in...'The farts told the poopyheads that the bum was born at last.' The teachers literally had steam coming out of their ears. The times. They were bad. Harried Mum had to sit on a small children's chair in the classroom at a crisis parent/teacher meeting and receive a stern talking to for being a deficient working mother. I note that on the day, however, he rose to the occasion and 'The angels told the shepherds that the saviour was born at last.' A teacher was hovering about one inch away from him at all times.
- Trouble knocked over the TV and broke the screen in what I can only assume was an attempt to change the channel to Peppa Pig. We are now on TV number 3 since moving to the UK. The one we brought from the US didn't work. Number 2 is a casualty. We're hoping the 3rd time is the charm.
- Our sofa is basically a hazardous waste zone. At any time, you can expect to find: a desiccated apple core, peanut butter, cracker crumbs, jam, snot, chocolate and/or sticky puddles of dried juice. Perhaps we should clean more often, you say in a superior tone...Yes, well. You can just bugger off, Judgy McJudgy-Pants.
- The cat has Stockholm Syndrome. She cannot stay away from the children, even though she is constantly subjected to all that you might imagine a 5 and 2 year old boy would do to a cat.
- On the other hand, there is nothing better than when Trouble throws his arms around you, gives you a huge hug and a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, looks at you with his big hazel eyes, and....smacks you across the face as hard as he can.
- Or, when Lunatic Child crawls into bed with you in the middle of the night because he's had a bad dream...and then you spend the rest of the night trying to sleep while he starfishes in the middle of the bed, you get prodded by his bony arse and elbows and receive a face full of skunky 5 year old breath.
I love them so fiercely. They make me so crazy. We are always tired. They are our joy. They drive us to tears. It's not for everyone, and I can really understand that. But, for us, we don't miss (too often...or at least, not every day) life without them. Besides, if I didn't have kids, I'd have nothing to blog about but my boring lawyer job and Fun Daddy's annoying habits, and who would want to read about that?
Friday, February 6, 2015
Friday, May 9, 2014
Looking Back
Harried Mum has been harried. Although we are pleased to be here, this move to London has been all the bad things. Let us take a short tour down memory lane...
Fun Daddy went to London 6 weeks ahead of the rest of the family, leaving Harried Mum as the sole parent for 6 weeks. Was that fun? No. It was not. And what happened? Well. Here are some things that happened.
- It snowed. 70 million times. Harried Mum had to shovel the driveway. A lot. Once I had a bad head cold and felt particularly sorry for myself.
- The nanny occasionally did not show up for work due to the snow, and Harried Mum's boss was not impressed. That was stressful.
- Everyone missed Fun Daddy very much. Even Psycho Cat.
- Trouble caught every illness possible. Sometimes twice.
- Lunatic Child somehow contrived to be bitten by something to which he had an allergic reaction, resulting in a massive case of hives. In February. It's like he has a special talent.
- It was cold. So very cold. And the kids could not go outside. And everyone was losing their mind.
And how did we cope? We imposed on our friends and loved ones, of course!!
One of the best things we did was drive down to Washington, DC to visit some of Harried Mum's old friends for a long weekend. I feel this trip is worth a special mention because (a) I drove for 4 1/2 hours each way with 2 kids in the car to avoid being home alone with them for a long weekend, and (b) Lunatic Chid was SO BAD, and I still owe them a gift for letting my children wreck their home.
And what did he do that was so naughty?
- Left alone in the basement while he was supposed to be sleeping, Lunatic Child got into their childrens' art supplies. He dumped an entire pack of glitter over himself, basically coating himself, his bed and pretty much everything downstairs in a thin film of glitter. He also drew all over himself with a green marker and left it uncapped on his sheets, ruining the sheets. Sorry everyone!
- Took a giant poo in their toilet downstairs, and then locked himself OUT of it, claiming he 'needed some alone time'. Hosts had to break into their own toilet. Sorry everyone!
- Unscrewed the taps from their upstairs bathroom sink and put them in the toilet bowl.
- Had Stage 3 Nuclear Meltdown in Air and Space Museum when told he couldn't cut the line of 50 kids waiting to drive a rocket on display. Friends had to take Trouble, who was a SAINT in comparison the entire weekend, while I calmed him down.
My friends' daughters are older and were so horrified by the chaos unleashed in their home that they basically didn't come out of their rooms for the entire weekend. Sorry girls!!
But, you know what. It was SO WORTH IT. I drank wine with my friends after my unspeakable children had gone to bed and had adult conversation, and it was so nice to see them. I had a great weekend. Thanks again for letting me impose!!!!! I realize you probably didn't know what it would entail...
Our next installment will deal with things we learned upon moving back to the UK, namely that all the sh*t that fits in your big American home with its full basement and 2 car garage does NOT fit in your small 4 bedroom terrace house in London.
Love You All
Harried Mum
Fun Daddy went to London 6 weeks ahead of the rest of the family, leaving Harried Mum as the sole parent for 6 weeks. Was that fun? No. It was not. And what happened? Well. Here are some things that happened.
- It snowed. 70 million times. Harried Mum had to shovel the driveway. A lot. Once I had a bad head cold and felt particularly sorry for myself.
- The nanny occasionally did not show up for work due to the snow, and Harried Mum's boss was not impressed. That was stressful.
- Everyone missed Fun Daddy very much. Even Psycho Cat.
- Trouble caught every illness possible. Sometimes twice.
- Lunatic Child somehow contrived to be bitten by something to which he had an allergic reaction, resulting in a massive case of hives. In February. It's like he has a special talent.
- It was cold. So very cold. And the kids could not go outside. And everyone was losing their mind.
And how did we cope? We imposed on our friends and loved ones, of course!!
One of the best things we did was drive down to Washington, DC to visit some of Harried Mum's old friends for a long weekend. I feel this trip is worth a special mention because (a) I drove for 4 1/2 hours each way with 2 kids in the car to avoid being home alone with them for a long weekend, and (b) Lunatic Chid was SO BAD, and I still owe them a gift for letting my children wreck their home.
And what did he do that was so naughty?
- Left alone in the basement while he was supposed to be sleeping, Lunatic Child got into their childrens' art supplies. He dumped an entire pack of glitter over himself, basically coating himself, his bed and pretty much everything downstairs in a thin film of glitter. He also drew all over himself with a green marker and left it uncapped on his sheets, ruining the sheets. Sorry everyone!
- Took a giant poo in their toilet downstairs, and then locked himself OUT of it, claiming he 'needed some alone time'. Hosts had to break into their own toilet. Sorry everyone!
- Unscrewed the taps from their upstairs bathroom sink and put them in the toilet bowl.
- Had Stage 3 Nuclear Meltdown in Air and Space Museum when told he couldn't cut the line of 50 kids waiting to drive a rocket on display. Friends had to take Trouble, who was a SAINT in comparison the entire weekend, while I calmed him down.
My friends' daughters are older and were so horrified by the chaos unleashed in their home that they basically didn't come out of their rooms for the entire weekend. Sorry girls!!
But, you know what. It was SO WORTH IT. I drank wine with my friends after my unspeakable children had gone to bed and had adult conversation, and it was so nice to see them. I had a great weekend. Thanks again for letting me impose!!!!! I realize you probably didn't know what it would entail...
Our next installment will deal with things we learned upon moving back to the UK, namely that all the sh*t that fits in your big American home with its full basement and 2 car garage does NOT fit in your small 4 bedroom terrace house in London.
Love You All
Harried Mum
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A glimpse of the future...
Hello my loves!!!!
And what is everyone up to these days? Harried Mum is going bonkers at work while Fun Daddy is doing all the heavy lifting on organizing our move back to London. Harried Mum is forever grateful.
In my quieter moments I like to try and predict Lunatic Child's future occupation. This morning, he
was very concerned that my shoes didn't look very good with my sweater. I had to explain that mummy was wearing sensible shoes to walk through the snow to the train station and my pretty shoes were in my bag. Maybe there's a career in fashion in his future?
I think it's more likely, however, that Lunatic Child might be destined to be a lawyer like Harried
Mum. Lunatic Child has become obsessed with the word stupid. We have explained that it is not a
nice word and we don't say it. His way around the prohibition is to repeat, 17 times per day, that "Stupid!!!......................is not a nice word." Over and over and over again. Finally, Harried Mum lost her shit and pronounced a blanket ban. "If I hear that word come out of your mouth one more time, you are going to your room." Lunatic Child's immediate response was to start mouthing the
word stupid at me. Nice try, but we obey the spirit as well as the letter of the law in this house, and
Lunatic Child had to spend some time in his room as a result.
Meanwhile, my Trouble. He knows how to wind his brother up. The only thing that Trouble's heart
desires is whatever is in his brother's hand at any given moment. The other day, Lunatic Child was
holding a toy out of Trouble's reach while shrieking "Nooooo!!" at the top of his lungs. It was Lunatic Child's Christmas present from Santa, so I was sympathetic to his lack of desire to share. Trouble, enraged, was whacking him with both hands as hard as he could. Trouble can't make such fine distinctions. He wanted it. It was not being provided. He was mad as hell and not going to take
it. I should have intervened right away, but I was weak from laughter. It was hideous, but it's my future, so I might as well see the humor in it I suppose.
Rotten babies. Both of them. But they are so very, very funny. I love them like crazy.
Hope you're all well! Toodles my noodles!!! Until next time.
Harried Mum
And what is everyone up to these days? Harried Mum is going bonkers at work while Fun Daddy is doing all the heavy lifting on organizing our move back to London. Harried Mum is forever grateful.
In my quieter moments I like to try and predict Lunatic Child's future occupation. This morning, he
was very concerned that my shoes didn't look very good with my sweater. I had to explain that mummy was wearing sensible shoes to walk through the snow to the train station and my pretty shoes were in my bag. Maybe there's a career in fashion in his future?
I think it's more likely, however, that Lunatic Child might be destined to be a lawyer like Harried
Mum. Lunatic Child has become obsessed with the word stupid. We have explained that it is not a
nice word and we don't say it. His way around the prohibition is to repeat, 17 times per day, that "Stupid!!!......................is not a nice word." Over and over and over again. Finally, Harried Mum lost her shit and pronounced a blanket ban. "If I hear that word come out of your mouth one more time, you are going to your room." Lunatic Child's immediate response was to start mouthing the
word stupid at me. Nice try, but we obey the spirit as well as the letter of the law in this house, and
Lunatic Child had to spend some time in his room as a result.
Meanwhile, my Trouble. He knows how to wind his brother up. The only thing that Trouble's heart
desires is whatever is in his brother's hand at any given moment. The other day, Lunatic Child was
holding a toy out of Trouble's reach while shrieking "Nooooo!!" at the top of his lungs. It was Lunatic Child's Christmas present from Santa, so I was sympathetic to his lack of desire to share. Trouble, enraged, was whacking him with both hands as hard as he could. Trouble can't make such fine distinctions. He wanted it. It was not being provided. He was mad as hell and not going to take
it. I should have intervened right away, but I was weak from laughter. It was hideous, but it's my future, so I might as well see the humor in it I suppose.
Rotten babies. Both of them. But they are so very, very funny. I love them like crazy.
Hope you're all well! Toodles my noodles!!! Until next time.
Harried Mum
Friday, September 13, 2013
Hello all my chickens and bunnies. It's been such a long time!
Harried Mum has no excuses. I am a lazy cow at heart. I am reminded of this every time Fun Daddy goes out for the evening. Tonight I put the kids to bed, and then I ate a stale bagel and canned soup for dinner. There was a perfectly nice meal I could have cooked for myself, but I have realized over the years that if lived alone, I would be doing things like eating cereal with wine. I'm just that slothful. It lives just beneath the surface and manifests itself in things like my indifferent housekeeping and woeful track record on birthday cards, thank you cards and RSVPs.
What else has been happening? Well. Lots of things! Exciting things! Harried Mum went back to work! (Ages ago now). I am working for a Japanese company. It is all very interesting, and one wonders where all the women are. The patriarchy lives. I'm oppressed I tell you. Oppressed. Seriously, it's a bit weird and the Japanese culture and language barrier throws me for a loop sometimes. I feel as if I am a decent communicator. I am doing my utmost to explain complex issues in simple language. I will send an email or speak in a meeting. And I will feel good about all the nodding and agreeing happening. Then, a week later, someone will say something, and I will think, "Oh f*ckety, f*ck, you did not understand me AT ALL. You were just PRETENDING". And then I will have to explain it all over again. Now, I speak no Japanese, and so I'm certainly not pointing fingers. I would not want to do business in a second language, but man, it is hard.
Lunatic Child has just gone back to his second year of nursery school. In a repeat of last year's performance, on the first day, while we were waiting for the school doors to open, Lunatic Child:
1. ran around the side of the building and started banging on the windows of his classroom demanding to be let in
2. climbed to the top of the stairs and started panting at everyone (he's REALLY into pretending that he's a puppy)
3. stuffed leaves in the school's mailbox.
Meanwhile, ALL the other children, without fail, were standing nicely holding their parents' hands.
When the doors opened, Lunatic Child flung himself down the stairs, pushing all the other Nice Children out of the way, blew by the teachers without saying hello and waded into the toys. I foresee some interesting years ahead.
Psycho Cat, who is currently stalking and occasionally attacking my elbow and generally annoying the snot out of me, is under house arrest this week. She got into a fight of some kind, and I've had to take her to have 2 abcesses on her face drained. She's on antibiotics and pain meds. She's clearly feeling better and is obviously bored as crap in the house, but the vet was very strict on the no outdoors thing, so we're going to try and tough it out. I've also had to ban her from the bathroom this evening, as she pries open the medicine cabinet and starts knocking all the stuff off the shelves into the sink.
Trouble, my sweet Trouble, is turning into a proper little toddler. If he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor in a puddle of despair and wails until he's beet red. He's earnestly trying to walk, and is proudly marching around pushing his walker. He still hasn't really figured out that you have to bend your knees, so it's all a bit awkward, but I think he will join the ranks of the bipedal sooner rather than later. He's currently satisfied to communicate through wailing and pointing, although in my Completely Unbiased view he said 'kitty' tonight and 'doggy' whilst we were visiting Fun Daddy's parents. We haven't been able to replicate the results in a lab, but I'm still going to give him the win on first spoken words. Also, he is SO into Fun Daddy. If Fun Daddy leaves the room, he is DESPONDENT. He could give a rat's arse about Harried Mum. Poor Harried Mum.
Speaking of Fun Daddy. He went out with his mates in London recently, trying to re-live the glory days, and almost got himself arrested. Harried Mum was not amused. He's also perfecting his Embarrassing Dad Dancing and Slightly Age Inappropriate Dressing. We just need the kids to be old enough to be humiliated by it all.
Anyway, we miss all our far flung friends and family. Hope you're all well.
Oodles of love to you all.
Harried Mum, Fun Daddy, Lunatic Child, Trouble and Psycho Cat.
Harried Mum has no excuses. I am a lazy cow at heart. I am reminded of this every time Fun Daddy goes out for the evening. Tonight I put the kids to bed, and then I ate a stale bagel and canned soup for dinner. There was a perfectly nice meal I could have cooked for myself, but I have realized over the years that if lived alone, I would be doing things like eating cereal with wine. I'm just that slothful. It lives just beneath the surface and manifests itself in things like my indifferent housekeeping and woeful track record on birthday cards, thank you cards and RSVPs.
What else has been happening? Well. Lots of things! Exciting things! Harried Mum went back to work! (Ages ago now). I am working for a Japanese company. It is all very interesting, and one wonders where all the women are. The patriarchy lives. I'm oppressed I tell you. Oppressed. Seriously, it's a bit weird and the Japanese culture and language barrier throws me for a loop sometimes. I feel as if I am a decent communicator. I am doing my utmost to explain complex issues in simple language. I will send an email or speak in a meeting. And I will feel good about all the nodding and agreeing happening. Then, a week later, someone will say something, and I will think, "Oh f*ckety, f*ck, you did not understand me AT ALL. You were just PRETENDING". And then I will have to explain it all over again. Now, I speak no Japanese, and so I'm certainly not pointing fingers. I would not want to do business in a second language, but man, it is hard.
Lunatic Child has just gone back to his second year of nursery school. In a repeat of last year's performance, on the first day, while we were waiting for the school doors to open, Lunatic Child:
1. ran around the side of the building and started banging on the windows of his classroom demanding to be let in
2. climbed to the top of the stairs and started panting at everyone (he's REALLY into pretending that he's a puppy)
3. stuffed leaves in the school's mailbox.
Meanwhile, ALL the other children, without fail, were standing nicely holding their parents' hands.
When the doors opened, Lunatic Child flung himself down the stairs, pushing all the other Nice Children out of the way, blew by the teachers without saying hello and waded into the toys. I foresee some interesting years ahead.
Psycho Cat, who is currently stalking and occasionally attacking my elbow and generally annoying the snot out of me, is under house arrest this week. She got into a fight of some kind, and I've had to take her to have 2 abcesses on her face drained. She's on antibiotics and pain meds. She's clearly feeling better and is obviously bored as crap in the house, but the vet was very strict on the no outdoors thing, so we're going to try and tough it out. I've also had to ban her from the bathroom this evening, as she pries open the medicine cabinet and starts knocking all the stuff off the shelves into the sink.
Trouble, my sweet Trouble, is turning into a proper little toddler. If he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor in a puddle of despair and wails until he's beet red. He's earnestly trying to walk, and is proudly marching around pushing his walker. He still hasn't really figured out that you have to bend your knees, so it's all a bit awkward, but I think he will join the ranks of the bipedal sooner rather than later. He's currently satisfied to communicate through wailing and pointing, although in my Completely Unbiased view he said 'kitty' tonight and 'doggy' whilst we were visiting Fun Daddy's parents. We haven't been able to replicate the results in a lab, but I'm still going to give him the win on first spoken words. Also, he is SO into Fun Daddy. If Fun Daddy leaves the room, he is DESPONDENT. He could give a rat's arse about Harried Mum. Poor Harried Mum.
Speaking of Fun Daddy. He went out with his mates in London recently, trying to re-live the glory days, and almost got himself arrested. Harried Mum was not amused. He's also perfecting his Embarrassing Dad Dancing and Slightly Age Inappropriate Dressing. We just need the kids to be old enough to be humiliated by it all.
Anyway, we miss all our far flung friends and family. Hope you're all well.
Oodles of love to you all.
Harried Mum, Fun Daddy, Lunatic Child, Trouble and Psycho Cat.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Little Boys
Trouble, like all little boys in the history of the world, has discovered his dinkle. It's so interesting. He wants to touch it. Always. Every time his diaper comes off, that little hand is in there having a squeeze. It kills me. Sorry, Trouble, that I have shared. You can work it out in therapy.
Lunatic Child, of course, has moved on to dinkle tricks. "Look mommy, it's big!!" (Again, therapy, I know). But it is so funny. Little boys. They are all the same.
In other dinkle related news, Lunatic Child appears to be potty trained, although he has been struggling a bit with the new nanny this week. I am confident (ie, hopeful) that this will resolve itself shortly. He had gone a couple weeks without an accident. We are so close. Although, to be honest, it's not as great as I had hoped. I am still chasing him around the house to try and get him to wipe his *rse after a poo, and there's a lot of faffle involved with getting the pants down and up. And his aim is fairly appalling, Baby steps I guess.
Not too much else is news. I start my new job on Monday. I am looking forward to being back at work. I have spent an extremely enjoyable week spending money willy nilly to replenish my work wardrobe. It's been so fun!!! Probably a lot more fun than the actual job will be, although I do think it's important for what remains of my sanity to go back to work. My brain. It's melting.
Fun Daddy is keeping on. He has been traveling to London a bit for some new work responsibilities, which I resent. He gets to see lots of our friends and stay in a nice, child free hotel room. No fair. I can't wait til I go on my first work trip. Turn about is fair play!!!
Anyway, that's all she wrote. Toodles, noodles.
Lunatic Child, of course, has moved on to dinkle tricks. "Look mommy, it's big!!" (Again, therapy, I know). But it is so funny. Little boys. They are all the same.
In other dinkle related news, Lunatic Child appears to be potty trained, although he has been struggling a bit with the new nanny this week. I am confident (ie, hopeful) that this will resolve itself shortly. He had gone a couple weeks without an accident. We are so close. Although, to be honest, it's not as great as I had hoped. I am still chasing him around the house to try and get him to wipe his *rse after a poo, and there's a lot of faffle involved with getting the pants down and up. And his aim is fairly appalling, Baby steps I guess.
Not too much else is news. I start my new job on Monday. I am looking forward to being back at work. I have spent an extremely enjoyable week spending money willy nilly to replenish my work wardrobe. It's been so fun!!! Probably a lot more fun than the actual job will be, although I do think it's important for what remains of my sanity to go back to work. My brain. It's melting.
Fun Daddy is keeping on. He has been traveling to London a bit for some new work responsibilities, which I resent. He gets to see lots of our friends and stay in a nice, child free hotel room. No fair. I can't wait til I go on my first work trip. Turn about is fair play!!!
Anyway, that's all she wrote. Toodles, noodles.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
A low point
So this happened.
Babysitter left at 2pm today. At 2:05 Trouble needed changing. We march upstairs. From downstairs Lunatic Child starts yelling "Mommy" every few seconds, and then informs me that he has puked. I whisk Trouble into a diaper and go downstairs. Lunatic Child has, in fact, puked on himself. I am pulling off Lunatic Child's trousers to change him when he puts his new battery operated car on my head and turns it on. The wheels get caught in my hair, and I can't reach the off switch to turn it off so the wheels keep turning and my hair is getting more and more tangled by the second. Trouble then vomits all over himself.
Lunatic Child is in his underwear, Trouble is covered in vomit, and I have a car stuck to my head when the most recent nanny candidate calls asking for directions because she can't find the house. It is at this point that I realize that breathing techniques do not really cut it in the stress reduction sweepstakes.
Mind you, this is after last night where Trouble was up about 7 times. Teething? Growing pains? General cussedness? Who knows? He can't tell me. He ended up in bed with me so I could get 5 minutes of sleep.
Between that, Fun Daddy being in London for the week, and my zillionth nanny interview (this one said "Oh My God" about 10 times in the first 10 minutes of the interview. No.) I am feeling like my amazing vacation in France happened about 20 years ago. Woeisme.
Babysitter left at 2pm today. At 2:05 Trouble needed changing. We march upstairs. From downstairs Lunatic Child starts yelling "Mommy" every few seconds, and then informs me that he has puked. I whisk Trouble into a diaper and go downstairs. Lunatic Child has, in fact, puked on himself. I am pulling off Lunatic Child's trousers to change him when he puts his new battery operated car on my head and turns it on. The wheels get caught in my hair, and I can't reach the off switch to turn it off so the wheels keep turning and my hair is getting more and more tangled by the second. Trouble then vomits all over himself.
Lunatic Child is in his underwear, Trouble is covered in vomit, and I have a car stuck to my head when the most recent nanny candidate calls asking for directions because she can't find the house. It is at this point that I realize that breathing techniques do not really cut it in the stress reduction sweepstakes.
Mind you, this is after last night where Trouble was up about 7 times. Teething? Growing pains? General cussedness? Who knows? He can't tell me. He ended up in bed with me so I could get 5 minutes of sleep.
Between that, Fun Daddy being in London for the week, and my zillionth nanny interview (this one said "Oh My God" about 10 times in the first 10 minutes of the interview. No.) I am feeling like my amazing vacation in France happened about 20 years ago. Woeisme.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Harried Mum Gets a Job
I know. I know. I already have the job of Mommy. But I tell you what. Harried Mum has been longing to return to the safe confines of corporate law, which is easy to do compared to negotiating with Lunatic Child over the wearing of coat, hat and gloves EVERY MORNING, or convincing Trouble that he needs to nap longer than 20 minutes at a go. I am losing what is left of my mind, people.
To that end, I suited up to go to a second interview yesterday. This was a disaster. Lunatic Child, who is no dummy, instantly knew something was up and responded by making as huge as fuss as possible over getting changed, getting dressed, wanting to have a second chance at breakfast, leaving behind his toy car when leaving for school, not taking one bite out of an apple and leaving it in the fruit bowl, etc... The babysitter, who is usually so placid, was getting a bit wild eyed.
Meanwhile, I was discovering that my suit no longer fit (who knew that eating Halloween Candy every night since October would have such negative consequences?). I couldn't find any stockings. The shirt I wanted to wear wasn't ironed. What, lack of preparedness has consequences? Unpossible.
Trouble, catching the general vibe of barely controlled panic, started to wail. Babysitter was wrestling Lunatic Child into his coat, hat and gloves, which basically involves sitting on him. I was reluctant to pick Trouble up (poor baby) as I had finally shoehorned myself into the blasted suit, and Trouble is a guaranteed vomiter whenever you lift him up from a prone position.
And I thought to myself, "I bet Kate Middleton will never have to put up with this sh*t." Which, of course, she won't, since her only jobs are to look pretty and produce heirs to the throne. Sadly, no one offered me an interview, second or otherwise, for those jobs, so off I schlepped.
After all the sturm and drang, I was not feeling my professional best, but future employer seems to be willing to overlook my slightly disheveled appearance and I am shortly going to be starting as the new General Counsel for Mitsui Precious Metals. Hooray!!!
To that end, I suited up to go to a second interview yesterday. This was a disaster. Lunatic Child, who is no dummy, instantly knew something was up and responded by making as huge as fuss as possible over getting changed, getting dressed, wanting to have a second chance at breakfast, leaving behind his toy car when leaving for school, not taking one bite out of an apple and leaving it in the fruit bowl, etc... The babysitter, who is usually so placid, was getting a bit wild eyed.
Meanwhile, I was discovering that my suit no longer fit (who knew that eating Halloween Candy every night since October would have such negative consequences?). I couldn't find any stockings. The shirt I wanted to wear wasn't ironed. What, lack of preparedness has consequences? Unpossible.
Trouble, catching the general vibe of barely controlled panic, started to wail. Babysitter was wrestling Lunatic Child into his coat, hat and gloves, which basically involves sitting on him. I was reluctant to pick Trouble up (poor baby) as I had finally shoehorned myself into the blasted suit, and Trouble is a guaranteed vomiter whenever you lift him up from a prone position.
And I thought to myself, "I bet Kate Middleton will never have to put up with this sh*t." Which, of course, she won't, since her only jobs are to look pretty and produce heirs to the throne. Sadly, no one offered me an interview, second or otherwise, for those jobs, so off I schlepped.
After all the sturm and drang, I was not feeling my professional best, but future employer seems to be willing to overlook my slightly disheveled appearance and I am shortly going to be starting as the new General Counsel for Mitsui Precious Metals. Hooray!!!
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