Hello my loves!!!!
And what is everyone up to these days? Harried Mum is going bonkers at work while Fun Daddy is doing all the heavy lifting on organizing our move back to London. Harried Mum is forever grateful.
In my quieter moments I like to try and predict Lunatic Child's future occupation. This morning, he
was very concerned that my shoes didn't look very good with my sweater. I had to explain that mummy was wearing sensible shoes to walk through the snow to the train station and my pretty shoes were in my bag. Maybe there's a career in fashion in his future?
I think it's more likely, however, that Lunatic Child might be destined to be a lawyer like Harried
Mum. Lunatic Child has become obsessed with the word stupid. We have explained that it is not a
nice word and we don't say it. His way around the prohibition is to repeat, 17 times per day, that "Stupid!!!......................is not a nice word." Over and over and over again. Finally, Harried Mum lost her shit and pronounced a blanket ban. "If I hear that word come out of your mouth one more time, you are going to your room." Lunatic Child's immediate response was to start mouthing the
word stupid at me. Nice try, but we obey the spirit as well as the letter of the law in this house, and
Lunatic Child had to spend some time in his room as a result.
Meanwhile, my Trouble. He knows how to wind his brother up. The only thing that Trouble's heart
desires is whatever is in his brother's hand at any given moment. The other day, Lunatic Child was
holding a toy out of Trouble's reach while shrieking "Nooooo!!" at the top of his lungs. It was Lunatic Child's Christmas present from Santa, so I was sympathetic to his lack of desire to share. Trouble, enraged, was whacking him with both hands as hard as he could. Trouble can't make such fine distinctions. He wanted it. It was not being provided. He was mad as hell and not going to take
it. I should have intervened right away, but I was weak from laughter. It was hideous, but it's my future, so I might as well see the humor in it I suppose.
Rotten babies. Both of them. But they are so very, very funny. I love them like crazy.
Hope you're all well! Toodles my noodles!!! Until next time.
Harried Mum
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Friday, September 13, 2013
Hello all my chickens and bunnies. It's been such a long time!
Harried Mum has no excuses. I am a lazy cow at heart. I am reminded of this every time Fun Daddy goes out for the evening. Tonight I put the kids to bed, and then I ate a stale bagel and canned soup for dinner. There was a perfectly nice meal I could have cooked for myself, but I have realized over the years that if lived alone, I would be doing things like eating cereal with wine. I'm just that slothful. It lives just beneath the surface and manifests itself in things like my indifferent housekeeping and woeful track record on birthday cards, thank you cards and RSVPs.
What else has been happening? Well. Lots of things! Exciting things! Harried Mum went back to work! (Ages ago now). I am working for a Japanese company. It is all very interesting, and one wonders where all the women are. The patriarchy lives. I'm oppressed I tell you. Oppressed. Seriously, it's a bit weird and the Japanese culture and language barrier throws me for a loop sometimes. I feel as if I am a decent communicator. I am doing my utmost to explain complex issues in simple language. I will send an email or speak in a meeting. And I will feel good about all the nodding and agreeing happening. Then, a week later, someone will say something, and I will think, "Oh f*ckety, f*ck, you did not understand me AT ALL. You were just PRETENDING". And then I will have to explain it all over again. Now, I speak no Japanese, and so I'm certainly not pointing fingers. I would not want to do business in a second language, but man, it is hard.
Lunatic Child has just gone back to his second year of nursery school. In a repeat of last year's performance, on the first day, while we were waiting for the school doors to open, Lunatic Child:
1. ran around the side of the building and started banging on the windows of his classroom demanding to be let in
2. climbed to the top of the stairs and started panting at everyone (he's REALLY into pretending that he's a puppy)
3. stuffed leaves in the school's mailbox.
Meanwhile, ALL the other children, without fail, were standing nicely holding their parents' hands.
When the doors opened, Lunatic Child flung himself down the stairs, pushing all the other Nice Children out of the way, blew by the teachers without saying hello and waded into the toys. I foresee some interesting years ahead.
Psycho Cat, who is currently stalking and occasionally attacking my elbow and generally annoying the snot out of me, is under house arrest this week. She got into a fight of some kind, and I've had to take her to have 2 abcesses on her face drained. She's on antibiotics and pain meds. She's clearly feeling better and is obviously bored as crap in the house, but the vet was very strict on the no outdoors thing, so we're going to try and tough it out. I've also had to ban her from the bathroom this evening, as she pries open the medicine cabinet and starts knocking all the stuff off the shelves into the sink.
Trouble, my sweet Trouble, is turning into a proper little toddler. If he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor in a puddle of despair and wails until he's beet red. He's earnestly trying to walk, and is proudly marching around pushing his walker. He still hasn't really figured out that you have to bend your knees, so it's all a bit awkward, but I think he will join the ranks of the bipedal sooner rather than later. He's currently satisfied to communicate through wailing and pointing, although in my Completely Unbiased view he said 'kitty' tonight and 'doggy' whilst we were visiting Fun Daddy's parents. We haven't been able to replicate the results in a lab, but I'm still going to give him the win on first spoken words. Also, he is SO into Fun Daddy. If Fun Daddy leaves the room, he is DESPONDENT. He could give a rat's arse about Harried Mum. Poor Harried Mum.
Speaking of Fun Daddy. He went out with his mates in London recently, trying to re-live the glory days, and almost got himself arrested. Harried Mum was not amused. He's also perfecting his Embarrassing Dad Dancing and Slightly Age Inappropriate Dressing. We just need the kids to be old enough to be humiliated by it all.
Anyway, we miss all our far flung friends and family. Hope you're all well.
Oodles of love to you all.
Harried Mum, Fun Daddy, Lunatic Child, Trouble and Psycho Cat.
Harried Mum has no excuses. I am a lazy cow at heart. I am reminded of this every time Fun Daddy goes out for the evening. Tonight I put the kids to bed, and then I ate a stale bagel and canned soup for dinner. There was a perfectly nice meal I could have cooked for myself, but I have realized over the years that if lived alone, I would be doing things like eating cereal with wine. I'm just that slothful. It lives just beneath the surface and manifests itself in things like my indifferent housekeeping and woeful track record on birthday cards, thank you cards and RSVPs.
What else has been happening? Well. Lots of things! Exciting things! Harried Mum went back to work! (Ages ago now). I am working for a Japanese company. It is all very interesting, and one wonders where all the women are. The patriarchy lives. I'm oppressed I tell you. Oppressed. Seriously, it's a bit weird and the Japanese culture and language barrier throws me for a loop sometimes. I feel as if I am a decent communicator. I am doing my utmost to explain complex issues in simple language. I will send an email or speak in a meeting. And I will feel good about all the nodding and agreeing happening. Then, a week later, someone will say something, and I will think, "Oh f*ckety, f*ck, you did not understand me AT ALL. You were just PRETENDING". And then I will have to explain it all over again. Now, I speak no Japanese, and so I'm certainly not pointing fingers. I would not want to do business in a second language, but man, it is hard.
Lunatic Child has just gone back to his second year of nursery school. In a repeat of last year's performance, on the first day, while we were waiting for the school doors to open, Lunatic Child:
1. ran around the side of the building and started banging on the windows of his classroom demanding to be let in
2. climbed to the top of the stairs and started panting at everyone (he's REALLY into pretending that he's a puppy)
3. stuffed leaves in the school's mailbox.
Meanwhile, ALL the other children, without fail, were standing nicely holding their parents' hands.
When the doors opened, Lunatic Child flung himself down the stairs, pushing all the other Nice Children out of the way, blew by the teachers without saying hello and waded into the toys. I foresee some interesting years ahead.
Psycho Cat, who is currently stalking and occasionally attacking my elbow and generally annoying the snot out of me, is under house arrest this week. She got into a fight of some kind, and I've had to take her to have 2 abcesses on her face drained. She's on antibiotics and pain meds. She's clearly feeling better and is obviously bored as crap in the house, but the vet was very strict on the no outdoors thing, so we're going to try and tough it out. I've also had to ban her from the bathroom this evening, as she pries open the medicine cabinet and starts knocking all the stuff off the shelves into the sink.
Trouble, my sweet Trouble, is turning into a proper little toddler. If he doesn't get what he wants, he throws himself on the floor in a puddle of despair and wails until he's beet red. He's earnestly trying to walk, and is proudly marching around pushing his walker. He still hasn't really figured out that you have to bend your knees, so it's all a bit awkward, but I think he will join the ranks of the bipedal sooner rather than later. He's currently satisfied to communicate through wailing and pointing, although in my Completely Unbiased view he said 'kitty' tonight and 'doggy' whilst we were visiting Fun Daddy's parents. We haven't been able to replicate the results in a lab, but I'm still going to give him the win on first spoken words. Also, he is SO into Fun Daddy. If Fun Daddy leaves the room, he is DESPONDENT. He could give a rat's arse about Harried Mum. Poor Harried Mum.
Speaking of Fun Daddy. He went out with his mates in London recently, trying to re-live the glory days, and almost got himself arrested. Harried Mum was not amused. He's also perfecting his Embarrassing Dad Dancing and Slightly Age Inappropriate Dressing. We just need the kids to be old enough to be humiliated by it all.
Anyway, we miss all our far flung friends and family. Hope you're all well.
Oodles of love to you all.
Harried Mum, Fun Daddy, Lunatic Child, Trouble and Psycho Cat.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Little Boys
Trouble, like all little boys in the history of the world, has discovered his dinkle. It's so interesting. He wants to touch it. Always. Every time his diaper comes off, that little hand is in there having a squeeze. It kills me. Sorry, Trouble, that I have shared. You can work it out in therapy.
Lunatic Child, of course, has moved on to dinkle tricks. "Look mommy, it's big!!" (Again, therapy, I know). But it is so funny. Little boys. They are all the same.
In other dinkle related news, Lunatic Child appears to be potty trained, although he has been struggling a bit with the new nanny this week. I am confident (ie, hopeful) that this will resolve itself shortly. He had gone a couple weeks without an accident. We are so close. Although, to be honest, it's not as great as I had hoped. I am still chasing him around the house to try and get him to wipe his *rse after a poo, and there's a lot of faffle involved with getting the pants down and up. And his aim is fairly appalling, Baby steps I guess.
Not too much else is news. I start my new job on Monday. I am looking forward to being back at work. I have spent an extremely enjoyable week spending money willy nilly to replenish my work wardrobe. It's been so fun!!! Probably a lot more fun than the actual job will be, although I do think it's important for what remains of my sanity to go back to work. My brain. It's melting.
Fun Daddy is keeping on. He has been traveling to London a bit for some new work responsibilities, which I resent. He gets to see lots of our friends and stay in a nice, child free hotel room. No fair. I can't wait til I go on my first work trip. Turn about is fair play!!!
Anyway, that's all she wrote. Toodles, noodles.
Lunatic Child, of course, has moved on to dinkle tricks. "Look mommy, it's big!!" (Again, therapy, I know). But it is so funny. Little boys. They are all the same.
In other dinkle related news, Lunatic Child appears to be potty trained, although he has been struggling a bit with the new nanny this week. I am confident (ie, hopeful) that this will resolve itself shortly. He had gone a couple weeks without an accident. We are so close. Although, to be honest, it's not as great as I had hoped. I am still chasing him around the house to try and get him to wipe his *rse after a poo, and there's a lot of faffle involved with getting the pants down and up. And his aim is fairly appalling, Baby steps I guess.
Not too much else is news. I start my new job on Monday. I am looking forward to being back at work. I have spent an extremely enjoyable week spending money willy nilly to replenish my work wardrobe. It's been so fun!!! Probably a lot more fun than the actual job will be, although I do think it's important for what remains of my sanity to go back to work. My brain. It's melting.
Fun Daddy is keeping on. He has been traveling to London a bit for some new work responsibilities, which I resent. He gets to see lots of our friends and stay in a nice, child free hotel room. No fair. I can't wait til I go on my first work trip. Turn about is fair play!!!
Anyway, that's all she wrote. Toodles, noodles.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
A low point
So this happened.
Babysitter left at 2pm today. At 2:05 Trouble needed changing. We march upstairs. From downstairs Lunatic Child starts yelling "Mommy" every few seconds, and then informs me that he has puked. I whisk Trouble into a diaper and go downstairs. Lunatic Child has, in fact, puked on himself. I am pulling off Lunatic Child's trousers to change him when he puts his new battery operated car on my head and turns it on. The wheels get caught in my hair, and I can't reach the off switch to turn it off so the wheels keep turning and my hair is getting more and more tangled by the second. Trouble then vomits all over himself.
Lunatic Child is in his underwear, Trouble is covered in vomit, and I have a car stuck to my head when the most recent nanny candidate calls asking for directions because she can't find the house. It is at this point that I realize that breathing techniques do not really cut it in the stress reduction sweepstakes.
Mind you, this is after last night where Trouble was up about 7 times. Teething? Growing pains? General cussedness? Who knows? He can't tell me. He ended up in bed with me so I could get 5 minutes of sleep.
Between that, Fun Daddy being in London for the week, and my zillionth nanny interview (this one said "Oh My God" about 10 times in the first 10 minutes of the interview. No.) I am feeling like my amazing vacation in France happened about 20 years ago. Woeisme.
Babysitter left at 2pm today. At 2:05 Trouble needed changing. We march upstairs. From downstairs Lunatic Child starts yelling "Mommy" every few seconds, and then informs me that he has puked. I whisk Trouble into a diaper and go downstairs. Lunatic Child has, in fact, puked on himself. I am pulling off Lunatic Child's trousers to change him when he puts his new battery operated car on my head and turns it on. The wheels get caught in my hair, and I can't reach the off switch to turn it off so the wheels keep turning and my hair is getting more and more tangled by the second. Trouble then vomits all over himself.
Lunatic Child is in his underwear, Trouble is covered in vomit, and I have a car stuck to my head when the most recent nanny candidate calls asking for directions because she can't find the house. It is at this point that I realize that breathing techniques do not really cut it in the stress reduction sweepstakes.
Mind you, this is after last night where Trouble was up about 7 times. Teething? Growing pains? General cussedness? Who knows? He can't tell me. He ended up in bed with me so I could get 5 minutes of sleep.
Between that, Fun Daddy being in London for the week, and my zillionth nanny interview (this one said "Oh My God" about 10 times in the first 10 minutes of the interview. No.) I am feeling like my amazing vacation in France happened about 20 years ago. Woeisme.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Harried Mum Gets a Job
I know. I know. I already have the job of Mommy. But I tell you what. Harried Mum has been longing to return to the safe confines of corporate law, which is easy to do compared to negotiating with Lunatic Child over the wearing of coat, hat and gloves EVERY MORNING, or convincing Trouble that he needs to nap longer than 20 minutes at a go. I am losing what is left of my mind, people.
To that end, I suited up to go to a second interview yesterday. This was a disaster. Lunatic Child, who is no dummy, instantly knew something was up and responded by making as huge as fuss as possible over getting changed, getting dressed, wanting to have a second chance at breakfast, leaving behind his toy car when leaving for school, not taking one bite out of an apple and leaving it in the fruit bowl, etc... The babysitter, who is usually so placid, was getting a bit wild eyed.
Meanwhile, I was discovering that my suit no longer fit (who knew that eating Halloween Candy every night since October would have such negative consequences?). I couldn't find any stockings. The shirt I wanted to wear wasn't ironed. What, lack of preparedness has consequences? Unpossible.
Trouble, catching the general vibe of barely controlled panic, started to wail. Babysitter was wrestling Lunatic Child into his coat, hat and gloves, which basically involves sitting on him. I was reluctant to pick Trouble up (poor baby) as I had finally shoehorned myself into the blasted suit, and Trouble is a guaranteed vomiter whenever you lift him up from a prone position.
And I thought to myself, "I bet Kate Middleton will never have to put up with this sh*t." Which, of course, she won't, since her only jobs are to look pretty and produce heirs to the throne. Sadly, no one offered me an interview, second or otherwise, for those jobs, so off I schlepped.
After all the sturm and drang, I was not feeling my professional best, but future employer seems to be willing to overlook my slightly disheveled appearance and I am shortly going to be starting as the new General Counsel for Mitsui Precious Metals. Hooray!!!
To that end, I suited up to go to a second interview yesterday. This was a disaster. Lunatic Child, who is no dummy, instantly knew something was up and responded by making as huge as fuss as possible over getting changed, getting dressed, wanting to have a second chance at breakfast, leaving behind his toy car when leaving for school, not taking one bite out of an apple and leaving it in the fruit bowl, etc... The babysitter, who is usually so placid, was getting a bit wild eyed.
Meanwhile, I was discovering that my suit no longer fit (who knew that eating Halloween Candy every night since October would have such negative consequences?). I couldn't find any stockings. The shirt I wanted to wear wasn't ironed. What, lack of preparedness has consequences? Unpossible.
Trouble, catching the general vibe of barely controlled panic, started to wail. Babysitter was wrestling Lunatic Child into his coat, hat and gloves, which basically involves sitting on him. I was reluctant to pick Trouble up (poor baby) as I had finally shoehorned myself into the blasted suit, and Trouble is a guaranteed vomiter whenever you lift him up from a prone position.
And I thought to myself, "I bet Kate Middleton will never have to put up with this sh*t." Which, of course, she won't, since her only jobs are to look pretty and produce heirs to the throne. Sadly, no one offered me an interview, second or otherwise, for those jobs, so off I schlepped.
After all the sturm and drang, I was not feeling my professional best, but future employer seems to be willing to overlook my slightly disheveled appearance and I am shortly going to be starting as the new General Counsel for Mitsui Precious Metals. Hooray!!!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
My baby...
Fun Daddy and I took Lunatic Child to nursery school on Friday. The teachers were a bit late so we were all waiting outside.
All the other nice children were standing holding their parents' hands. Waiting quietly.
Lunatic Child would not hold our hands. He ran up the ramp to the door. Then back down the ramp. Then back up the ramp. Etc. A nanny kept commenting, "He sure has a lot of energy."
Then he spotted a little boy he likes. He got about an inch away from his face and yelled, "Hi Pooper!!!" The little boy's name is actually Cooper, but Lunatic Child mixes up his Cs and Ps. They are, for example, Mini Poopers and Cupcapes. Also, he is a personal space invader, but we're working on it. I explained this to Cooper's father, but he didn't seem to see the humor in it.
Then one of the teachers shows up. Lunatic Child announces to everyone, " I don't like Miss K."
The doors opened and Fun Daddy and I slunk away before Lunatic Child offended anyone else.
I Iove him so much. He has so much personality. Whatever he is, or whatever he's going to be, Lunatic Child is never going to be shy about letting us know.
All the other nice children were standing holding their parents' hands. Waiting quietly.
Lunatic Child would not hold our hands. He ran up the ramp to the door. Then back down the ramp. Then back up the ramp. Etc. A nanny kept commenting, "He sure has a lot of energy."
Then he spotted a little boy he likes. He got about an inch away from his face and yelled, "Hi Pooper!!!" The little boy's name is actually Cooper, but Lunatic Child mixes up his Cs and Ps. They are, for example, Mini Poopers and Cupcapes. Also, he is a personal space invader, but we're working on it. I explained this to Cooper's father, but he didn't seem to see the humor in it.
Then one of the teachers shows up. Lunatic Child announces to everyone, " I don't like Miss K."
The doors opened and Fun Daddy and I slunk away before Lunatic Child offended anyone else.
I Iove him so much. He has so much personality. Whatever he is, or whatever he's going to be, Lunatic Child is never going to be shy about letting us know.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Hello again!
Hi all
Sorry it's been so long. Harried Mum is tired. So tired. Why didn't anyone tell me that having 2 small children is such hideously hard work? I am DYING to go back to corporate law. I would much rather deal with thorny legal problems and annoying clients than potty train my 2 year old. Ugh. To those mothers of my acquaintance who stay at home full time, I salute you. You are made of sterner material than I. If I have to clean out one more pair of pooped-in underpants, I am going to throw myself out the window.
Lunatic Child is a stubborn little mule, and is refusing to poop in the potty. He uses distraction techniques, "Mummy, I need a glass of water." And as soon as I have left the room, he does an enormous poo in his pants. Mind you, this is after I have asked him at least 50 times whether he needs to go. In desperation, I have purchased some extremely exciting toy cars and have positioned them just out of reach on the bookshelf. He may choose one, should he ever deign to go on the toilet. He is very interested in the toys, but so far no joy. Everyone tells me it just takes time. But who will crack first, Harried Mum or Lunatic Child?
Apparently, he pooped on the floor of the bathroom today at nursery school after informing the teacher he needed to go. She didn't seem impressed. I thought it was marvelous progress.
Lunatic Child is enjoying nursery school and is quite happy to tell me about his day.
I will ask, "What did your teachers teach you today?"
"Ms. K told me to be quiet."
I bet she did. God love him.
Meanwhile, Trouble is my sweet, placid, peaceful child. He cries when he's hungry or tired, and that's basically it. He spends his days being hauled around like a sack of potatoes in the Baby Bjorn, and he's quite happy to nap wherever and whenever. Poor younger child. There is no schedule. Very little bedtime routine. But he just goes with the flow. Lunatic Child helped give him a bath tonight. You can imagine how that went. Trouble didn't bat an eyelash as he was being splashed and shouted at. Later, I mopped the kitchen floor. Sigh.
Psycho Cat continues to be a neighbourhood talking point. She is so stupid that she won't run away from dogs, and I have twice come around the corner to find a dog owner incredulously watching as Psycho Cat comes walking straight up to their huge dog. She is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She lets Lunatic Child dump shovels full of sand on her, which he does with great gusto.
Fun Daddy is out losing our life savings at poker tonight. It's 9:30. Both kids are asleep. I think I am going to bed. It is all excitement, all the time...
I am out.
Harried Mum
Sorry it's been so long. Harried Mum is tired. So tired. Why didn't anyone tell me that having 2 small children is such hideously hard work? I am DYING to go back to corporate law. I would much rather deal with thorny legal problems and annoying clients than potty train my 2 year old. Ugh. To those mothers of my acquaintance who stay at home full time, I salute you. You are made of sterner material than I. If I have to clean out one more pair of pooped-in underpants, I am going to throw myself out the window.
Lunatic Child is a stubborn little mule, and is refusing to poop in the potty. He uses distraction techniques, "Mummy, I need a glass of water." And as soon as I have left the room, he does an enormous poo in his pants. Mind you, this is after I have asked him at least 50 times whether he needs to go. In desperation, I have purchased some extremely exciting toy cars and have positioned them just out of reach on the bookshelf. He may choose one, should he ever deign to go on the toilet. He is very interested in the toys, but so far no joy. Everyone tells me it just takes time. But who will crack first, Harried Mum or Lunatic Child?
Apparently, he pooped on the floor of the bathroom today at nursery school after informing the teacher he needed to go. She didn't seem impressed. I thought it was marvelous progress.
Lunatic Child is enjoying nursery school and is quite happy to tell me about his day.
I will ask, "What did your teachers teach you today?"
"Ms. K told me to be quiet."
I bet she did. God love him.
Meanwhile, Trouble is my sweet, placid, peaceful child. He cries when he's hungry or tired, and that's basically it. He spends his days being hauled around like a sack of potatoes in the Baby Bjorn, and he's quite happy to nap wherever and whenever. Poor younger child. There is no schedule. Very little bedtime routine. But he just goes with the flow. Lunatic Child helped give him a bath tonight. You can imagine how that went. Trouble didn't bat an eyelash as he was being splashed and shouted at. Later, I mopped the kitchen floor. Sigh.
Psycho Cat continues to be a neighbourhood talking point. She is so stupid that she won't run away from dogs, and I have twice come around the corner to find a dog owner incredulously watching as Psycho Cat comes walking straight up to their huge dog. She is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She lets Lunatic Child dump shovels full of sand on her, which he does with great gusto.
Fun Daddy is out losing our life savings at poker tonight. It's 9:30. Both kids are asleep. I think I am going to bed. It is all excitement, all the time...
I am out.
Harried Mum
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